Numb
I am numb.
Those of you who have made attempts at calling me during my disappearance know what I have been going through. Thank you for trying. Thank you for continuing to call to try and get my mind off of what is happening in my life right now. I am lucky to have you, and I am sorry that I am not responding the way I wish I could right now. I wish I could...
make this stop. wake up from this horrifying nightmare. I realize that this is now my reality and I need to be strong. I need to be strong for my Dad. I need him to not feel scared, but I am NOT the person I want to be right now. I am not the pillar of strength that I know I need to be for him and Jenny. I am weak and lifeless.
More useless than anything really.
I am trying with each tear that falls, I promise I am trying. I am sorry that I am not returning calls. I am sorry that I am not... myself.
Thank you for being persistent with me. You really have no idea how much that means to me. To know that my absence from your day actually matters, helps me get through this, helps me want to be stronger faster because I know I need you now more than ever. I just can't. Not right now.
Right now I am trying. Harder than I have ever had to try at anything, because I know that my Dad needs me to be strong and to help him find strength to fight this cancer. The word is excruciating. I am physically ill thinking it.
My Dad is my best friend and he the the reason I am who I am. He has always been my hero, and I can't seem to think of him any other way, especially now as he battles this disgusting disease. He is strong and I know he will fight (no matter how grumpy he is right now). I WILL MAKE HIM FIGHT. Because he will see his Grandkids grow up. He will go to their graduations. He will be there when Jordyn walks down the aisle. He will, because I will it to be that way. Please say a prayer for him to be strong, to get through his surgery successfully and to fight this curse word of a disease.
I need your prayers right now. Please pass the word along to anyone you know who believes in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of prayer and I am praying.
I love you guys,
me.
Those of you who have made attempts at calling me during my disappearance know what I have been going through. Thank you for trying. Thank you for continuing to call to try and get my mind off of what is happening in my life right now. I am lucky to have you, and I am sorry that I am not responding the way I wish I could right now. I wish I could...
make this stop. wake up from this horrifying nightmare. I realize that this is now my reality and I need to be strong. I need to be strong for my Dad. I need him to not feel scared, but I am NOT the person I want to be right now. I am not the pillar of strength that I know I need to be for him and Jenny. I am weak and lifeless.
More useless than anything really.
I am trying with each tear that falls, I promise I am trying. I am sorry that I am not returning calls. I am sorry that I am not... myself.
Thank you for being persistent with me. You really have no idea how much that means to me. To know that my absence from your day actually matters, helps me get through this, helps me want to be stronger faster because I know I need you now more than ever. I just can't. Not right now.
Right now I am trying. Harder than I have ever had to try at anything, because I know that my Dad needs me to be strong and to help him find strength to fight this cancer. The word is excruciating. I am physically ill thinking it.
My Dad is my best friend and he the the reason I am who I am. He has always been my hero, and I can't seem to think of him any other way, especially now as he battles this disgusting disease. He is strong and I know he will fight (no matter how grumpy he is right now). I WILL MAKE HIM FIGHT. Because he will see his Grandkids grow up. He will go to their graduations. He will be there when Jordyn walks down the aisle. He will, because I will it to be that way. Please say a prayer for him to be strong, to get through his surgery successfully and to fight this curse word of a disease.
I need your prayers right now. Please pass the word along to anyone you know who believes in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of prayer and I am praying.
I love you guys,
me.
Please call me if you need anything! I can totally understand your feelings. Know that I will be praying for strength for you and healing for you dad.
Posted by
Sherry |
April 29, 2009 at 1:28 PM
Kel... I am shocked to see this horrific news here... we are praying for your dad and you guys too. Please keep us updated on whats going on. Where is the cancer? What treatment are they doing? Let me know what we can do for you guys. Love you, Kort
Posted by
Anonymous |
April 29, 2009 at 6:43 PM
I will add you and your daddy to my prayers. If there is anything at all I can do from here please do not hesitate to ask. My daddy has had some health issues this past year and I thought my world would end. I know it is so tough and I will still cry from the fear I felt when it all started. Just know that I am sending you love and unceasing prayers.
Posted by
Missy B |
April 29, 2009 at 10:33 PM
Oh Cassie- You know we'll be thinking and praying over here!
Posted by
Missy |
April 29, 2009 at 10:37 PM
I love you.
Posted by
Jodi |
April 30, 2009 at 2:55 AM
i am here-always here. he is healthy and strong and has support around him and that is exactly what he needs.
Posted by
Marie |
April 30, 2009 at 9:00 AM
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