Melissa's Update
Melissa is an inspiration to me. She helps me hold on to my faith. I really don't know how she does it, but she is just amazing! Here is an update she sent on her first day without funeral "stuff" to deal with.
Today was a good day. I guess everyone is waiting for me to fall apart or crack it feels like but I am OK. See the one thing about Amber and me is that we truly have been through everything together. We were so in sync with each other. We shared everything, talked about everything and were everything to each other. This past year especially it came to a point that I could feel her pain literally not in the severe sense that she was but I knew when she did that something was hurting her. She knew me that I didn't have to tell her something was up she could read my mind. We had this unspoken language that no one else could understand. I wonder at times why this isn't as hard as everyone tells me it is supposed to be. I have realized that the reason it is not is because she is still here with me. I still feel her here. The best way I can describe it is think of when you are driving with the kids in the car. Mine always fell asleep as soon as we started on the road. They were in the back seat sleeping so you weren't talking to them but they were still there. That is how I feel. She is still here. Jim and I had many good talks today and it seems like we were both thinking the same things recently but haven't had the time to express them to each other. Amber gave us so much. So many gifts she left us not even knowing it... or maybe she did know it. A few times people would tell me that they were worried about Jim and my relationship being able to get through what we were going through with Amber. The stress that it can out on a relationship and so many end in divorce because the stress is so high and you need someone to take it out on. Trust me there were days that we were at our witts end but Amber always sensed those times and was there mending the fences you could say. She would talk to us and she was always right... fighting just didn't make sense. looking back I wonder if we were raising her or was she just really raising us. Jim and I have always been close but we talked today and agreed that we have never felt closer to each other than now. I couldn't even imagine fighting with Jim because I know it would hurt Amber to see and there was never anything big enough to be worth fighting over. Amber truly taught me so much. I know she is right behind me pushing me to do what I need. To make the most out of each day. Try to find something or someone and make their day better. Today for example....... we received so many flowers at the funeral home that we didn't want them to just sit around the house and die so we found a retirement home and dropped them off. They were so happy to have them. They couldn't believe how many there were. So for all of you that sent flowers know that they served many purposes. Amber would have wanted that. Some of the potted plants/flowers we will plant in her garden and she will be able to still enjoy them. Finally something I decided to share and you can take it for whatever you want. You can even say I am crazy because none of that matters for the gift I received today. I had only told Jim and Brittany today but something is pushing me to type it in here. I saw Amber today. See before Amber passed she kept pushing me to read that story that I shared with you about the little boy and the note he left his mom. I am glad I did. She came to me today very quickly in a thought not a dream. I was thinking of some times with her and I wish I could explain this to you better but she physically came through that vision of a thought and I grabbed her arms and knew instantly what was happening and I told her Amber it is really you... you did it. She said as she struggled to gain control "Yes.... because..." and that was it. She was gone again. My body was flooded with this warm peaceful feeling that I have never felt before. Plus I was in the basement and it had been freezing down there and the warmth flowed so quickly through me. I tried to make myself rethink the thought I had but nothing. I made myself fall asleep thinking that she could come to me in a dream but nothing. However, in just those 2 words she gave me so much. I know she is OK and finding her way and going to be with us always. I will never forget her and will always love her with all my heart..... I love you Amber! melissa
Today was a good day. I guess everyone is waiting for me to fall apart or crack it feels like but I am OK. See the one thing about Amber and me is that we truly have been through everything together. We were so in sync with each other. We shared everything, talked about everything and were everything to each other. This past year especially it came to a point that I could feel her pain literally not in the severe sense that she was but I knew when she did that something was hurting her. She knew me that I didn't have to tell her something was up she could read my mind. We had this unspoken language that no one else could understand. I wonder at times why this isn't as hard as everyone tells me it is supposed to be. I have realized that the reason it is not is because she is still here with me. I still feel her here. The best way I can describe it is think of when you are driving with the kids in the car. Mine always fell asleep as soon as we started on the road. They were in the back seat sleeping so you weren't talking to them but they were still there. That is how I feel. She is still here. Jim and I had many good talks today and it seems like we were both thinking the same things recently but haven't had the time to express them to each other. Amber gave us so much. So many gifts she left us not even knowing it... or maybe she did know it. A few times people would tell me that they were worried about Jim and my relationship being able to get through what we were going through with Amber. The stress that it can out on a relationship and so many end in divorce because the stress is so high and you need someone to take it out on. Trust me there were days that we were at our witts end but Amber always sensed those times and was there mending the fences you could say. She would talk to us and she was always right... fighting just didn't make sense. looking back I wonder if we were raising her or was she just really raising us. Jim and I have always been close but we talked today and agreed that we have never felt closer to each other than now. I couldn't even imagine fighting with Jim because I know it would hurt Amber to see and there was never anything big enough to be worth fighting over. Amber truly taught me so much. I know she is right behind me pushing me to do what I need. To make the most out of each day. Try to find something or someone and make their day better. Today for example....... we received so many flowers at the funeral home that we didn't want them to just sit around the house and die so we found a retirement home and dropped them off. They were so happy to have them. They couldn't believe how many there were. So for all of you that sent flowers know that they served many purposes. Amber would have wanted that. Some of the potted plants/flowers we will plant in her garden and she will be able to still enjoy them. Finally something I decided to share and you can take it for whatever you want. You can even say I am crazy because none of that matters for the gift I received today. I had only told Jim and Brittany today but something is pushing me to type it in here. I saw Amber today. See before Amber passed she kept pushing me to read that story that I shared with you about the little boy and the note he left his mom. I am glad I did. She came to me today very quickly in a thought not a dream. I was thinking of some times with her and I wish I could explain this to you better but she physically came through that vision of a thought and I grabbed her arms and knew instantly what was happening and I told her Amber it is really you... you did it. She said as she struggled to gain control "Yes.... because..." and that was it. She was gone again. My body was flooded with this warm peaceful feeling that I have never felt before. Plus I was in the basement and it had been freezing down there and the warmth flowed so quickly through me. I tried to make myself rethink the thought I had but nothing. I made myself fall asleep thinking that she could come to me in a dream but nothing. However, in just those 2 words she gave me so much. I know she is OK and finding her way and going to be with us always. I will never forget her and will always love her with all my heart..... I love you Amber! melissa
Whether Melissa and Amber know it or not, they both have been truly inspirational to so many people out there who do not know them, but who, through you, are reading about their courage and faith. I know they have touched me in so many ways. I have copied and printed a passage she wrote "God to be present in all situations, for that presence to be felt, and for wisdom, peace and acceptance of His will. I am praying for that wisdom, peace and acceptance for myself, and for all around me grieving the loss of a loved one". I pray this prayer every day, since I first saw it in print. Bless this family, and you, Cassie, for passing along their story to all of us. Love, Aunt Mary Ann.
Posted by
Anonymous |
June 4, 2009 at 2:48 PM
What a beautiful story! Thank you for sharing this Cassie!
Posted by
Helen Hassel |
June 5, 2009 at 12:44 AM
Post a Comment