The Jebber Family Blog

I am numb.

Those of you who have made attempts at calling me during my disappearance know what I have been going through. Thank you for trying. Thank you for continuing to call to try and get my mind off of what is happening in my life right now. I am lucky to have you, and I am sorry that I am not responding the way I wish I could right now. I wish I could...


make this stop. wake up from this horrifying nightmare. I realize that this is now my reality and I need to be strong. I need to be strong for my Dad. I need him to not feel scared, but I am NOT the person I want to be right now. I am not the pillar of strength that I know I need to be for him and Jenny. I am weak and lifeless.

More useless than anything really.

I am trying with each tear that falls, I promise I am trying. I am sorry that I am not returning calls. I am sorry that I am not... myself.

Thank you for being persistent with me. You really have no idea how much that means to me. To know that my absence from your day actually matters, helps me get through this, helps me want to be stronger faster because I know I need you now more than ever. I just can't. Not right now.

Right now I am trying. Harder than I have ever had to try at anything, because I know that my Dad needs me to be strong and to help him find strength to fight this cancer. The word is excruciating. I am physically ill thinking it.

My Dad is my best friend and he the the reason I am who I am. He has always been my hero, and I can't seem to think of him any other way, especially now as he battles this disgusting disease. He is strong and I know he will fight (no matter how grumpy he is right now). I WILL MAKE HIM FIGHT. Because he will see his Grandkids grow up. He will go to their graduations. He will be there when Jordyn walks down the aisle. He will, because I will it to be that way. Please say a prayer for him to be strong, to get through his surgery successfully and to fight this curse word of a disease.
I need your prayers right now. Please pass the word along to anyone you know who believes in the power of prayer. I believe in the power of prayer and I am praying.
I love you guys,
me.

Posted by Cassie at 11:53 AM | Permalink | Comments

Jordyn loves me unconditionally. She has a soft spot in her heart for her Mamma's feelings, and she has decided to succumb to my relentless pleas of remaining a baby for awhile longer. She really made a try at the whole, "grown up" thing recently, and as she watched me sit in stunned silence with tears streaming down my face she made a decision. She decided to give in! She took off the underwear (asked for a diaper), asked me for her, "binkifier", and her bib, she has even made several attempts at the high chair, but Daddy won't pull it out of storage. She feels my hurt, she knows I am tormented, and she cares...She really does. Connor told me long ago that he is not a baby and although he lets me rock him and hold him and nuzzle my face into his curls, he will not let me treat him like a baby.
She is my last baby, and I am holding on to this a while longer. I dare you to judge me! And besides, this was her decision... :)~

Connor giving baby JJ a kiss

Funny thing is...She never really took a pacifier. I assume she's just moving through the motions of what she "thinks" she should be doing

Posted by Cassie at 2:16 PM | Permalink | Comments

On Sunday Jordyn and I went to a Princess tea party. It was such a beautiful Mommy Daughter Day. Jordyn dressed up in her Sunday best to attend the party of the weekend. She had so much fun decorating cookies, reading stories and testing her princess trivia. My heart fluttered all day as we enjoyed our girlie time together.

Posted by Cassie at 7:38 PM | Permalink | Comments

On Saturday night we had a neighborhood bonfire to welcome Summertime IN APRIL! We enjoyed the heat of the sun all day long. Then enjoyed the heat from the fire all night. I LOVE my neighborhood~!

Posted by Cassie at 7:29 PM | Permalink | Comments

I am trapped in a frenzy of obsession at the moment. I apologize to my husband and my children for this (and my friends. I suppose it must be difficult being friends with me at times), but I am no longer capable of controlling it. Here is a picture of me if you have forgotten what I look like. Thank you for understanding, but I have to get back to my...

Posted by Cassie at 9:28 AM | Permalink | Comments

Have I mentioned how lucky I am to have such great friends? Well, I am ! I have known Sherry since I was in high school, and we found each other again on Facebook! Tonight we had a girl's only "date night" planned, but our plans changed a bit, and I am soooo glad they did(not for your hubby, but for my own selfish reasons)! I got to see the way it really was at Sherry's house! And I loved it! Instead of going to the stuffy old Sheraton bar, we got to hang out with her awesome little boys, chatting about old times, new times and don't forget about the Ninja Turtles! Thank you Sherry for sharing your family with me tonight! Sherry didn't like these pictures, but I have to say your out of your mind! I WISH I could look like this without make up on!

Posted by Cassie at 10:30 PM | Permalink | Comments

Have I ever mentioned how much I love my friends? I am EXTREMELY fortunate to have some pretty fantastic friends. Friends that I can be myself with. Friends that I can grow with. Friends that I can be silly with. What's even better...Is that I get to keep making new friends!

Posted by Cassie at 10:27 PM | Permalink | Comments

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1. This morning, I overheard Connor calling Jordyn, "Jedi Scum" Not acceptable! No matter how hard Patrick laughs!
2. After 3 1/2 months of feeling under the weather I am going back to the gym tomorrow. Stay tuned!
3. I am looking for a REALLY good wrinkle cream
4. I AM going to begin a book tomorrow. I AM! At least I hope I am.
5. I am no longer a fan of tax season
6. Jordyn is potty training. She also peed on my couch today...
7. My husband gives the best hugs on the planet. I actually think I feel the Earth stop when he hugs me. Nothing better
8. I complained A LOT today. Sometimes it just has to happen!
9. I am in a cleaning mood, but the kids are asleep and I WILL NOT risk waking them. Hopefully I am in the same mood Manana (Mahnyawna).
10. I could really use some new clothes. I keep having the same day dream of a clothing truck (full of really cute clothes) being abandoned in front of my house with a sign on it that says FREE! I love day dreaming!

Posted by Cassie at 5:11 PM | Permalink | Comments

We made it outside to enjoy this beautiful day! The kids had a BLAST hunting for eggs in the yard, and Patrick and I had a BLAST watching them! Jordyn was so dainty with her little basket, picking up each egg individually. Connor, however set his basket down and made a mad-Tasmanian Devil dash towards the eggs. He piled them into his arms and went back only a few times to fill his basket! For him, this was serious!
After our hunt, we had a HUGE family dinner. It started out as just a few of us and turned into a whole house full of people. I LOVE LOVE LOVE it when that happens! It was a great day, but man am I tired. I will truly enjoy my pillow tonight!

Posted by Cassie at 8:45 PM | Permalink | Comments

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Posted by Cassie at 10:16 PM | Permalink | Comments

Amber's Magical Memories Fundraiser was without a doubt one of the greatest moments of my life. Friday night was so spectacular. I cannot thank you all enough for attending, donating, helping volunteer, donating baskets and just straight up busting your butts at this spaghetti dinner. Most of us were there until 10:30 Friday night and I thank you! Thank you for the endless hours you gave up with your families to help me make this wish a reality! We Did It!! I am so proud of all of you, for your sacrifice and your never ending drive! Thank you Journey Covenant Church for being my rock and getting me through it all without exploding. On Friday night we raised over $15,000 (over $20,000 total in the 4 week planning). We served close to 500 people. We ran out of food 3 times and never once did anything or anyone skip a beat! Bravo to each and every one of you! You own my heart! Thank you to my beautiful cousin Hayley for bringing me flowers. In a sea of fast paced chaos you made me feel so special and so appreciated. Thank you so very much for that my love!
Over the past 4 weeks my family and I went on an incredible journey. My husband and I sat up many late nights talking about who we are, how we got to be this way, and questioned if we felt our happiest on the path we were on. We talked about Connor and Jordyn and the importance of being true to them and making sure, that as parents, we are raising them to be full of compassion and humility and strong Christian values.
Before I began this fundraiser, I had a problem. One I was not completely aware of, but as I come to find out, God felt this problem was a significant part of my life and the happiness I was searching for in my life.
I have always been so discouraged with mankind. I have always felt a stronger bond with animals than humans, because I have always looked at people as being selfish and self centered. I always felt people did (nice) things for their own personal gain (as long as they are acknowledged for their good deed). I have been extremely cynical about other people's sincerity. I had no idea how much this "feeling" has negatively consumed my life.
Over the past 4 weeks I have had the privilege of meeting some of the greatest people on the planet, and rediscovering people I have known for years. People who actually care about things other than "themselves" or their own social circle. People who are willing to give up their own personal time and busy schedules to make a difference in the life of a person they have never met. People who stay up late at night contacting strangers in other parts of the country just to get a more comfortable hotel room for a sick little girl and her family. People who make hundred's of bottles of perfume for a mother to always have as a keepsake. People who hold their own spaghetti dinners while sitting thousands of miles away just so they too can support what we are doing. During this journey I was introduced to the face of sincerity, humility, generosity, compassion, true love, true happiness and I am so proud to now call these faces my friends. I had always hoped there were Angels walking among us, now I know they exist.
On April 3, 2009 my life changed forever. I will never again be the person I once was. I am so proud of that!

Posted by Cassie at 1:21 PM | Permalink | Comments